The WAGM Challenge Team Profile: “Waffles, Fox Mulder, & Sex”

Hometown: Centerville, Ohio

Current City: Dayton, OH



There is a palpable sensuality and sexuality to the thick, moist air. You got a half pack of Lucky Strikes left. The night is still young but the puerility of the season is oppressive. Whatever intoxicating nectar that’s left is getting warm but you’re too stoned and drunk to care (or notice). Imbibing and toking and fucking. Your linen shirt is soaked with sweat, her lipstick has long since left a stain on your collar. You don’t know who she is or why she’s here. Christ, you don’t know who you are or why you’re here. Nightlife, once an expression of teen spirit has long since become a nightmarish dreamscape. A dreamscape woven in shame, cheap vodka, flat Sprite, and broken dreams. The candle on the table drips its amorphous sweat more and more as the night progresses. Intensely amplified and feigned emotions. You don’t know when or why they disappeared. Or if they ever really existed. Joy, jealousy, anger, despair…an artifice of what your so-called life had become. Exhaustion. Exhaustion? Delusion. Light begins to trickle through the mangroves. Youth still confusing itself with strength and virility. Ignorant to the internal. There is a stillness to the thick, moist air. A splash of cold water. A warm breeze fails to wisk the night away. Naked on the bed. Pills and bottles and ashes abound. The stench of laundered linens. “Blue Sparkle with Rapid Release Freshness!”. Madison Avenue peddles cleanliness to housewives in Indiana? Clean house and a hot meal for Jack, Xanax and Rex Goliath for Jill. Imbibing and popping and fucking the neighbor. Your mind meanders. Ferally gnawing at flavored chicle to calm the nerves. Put on a smile. Mr. Mossesso needs it. John the Jeweler expects it. Smile. Because its what people do.

the-clash-1978-1986Favorite Sports Teams:

  • NCAA Football Team: Auburn and Ohio St.
  • NCAA Basketball: Dayton
  • NFL Team: Cincinnati Bengals
  • MLB Team: Cincinnati Reds
  • NHL Team: Detroit Red Wings
  • NBA Team: Don’t really have one

Favorite Video Game:

  • Super Mario Bros. 3 (NES) or Mario Kart (Wii)

Spike TV's 6th Annual 2012 "Guys Choice" Awards - Red CarpetFavorite Musician:

  • The Clash

Favorite Movie:

  • Pulp Fiction or Space Jam

Favorite Female Celeb:

  • Kristen Bell and Emma Stone

2013-2014 Sports Predictions

  • MLB Champ: Los Angeles Dodgers
  • NFL Champ: Seattle Seahawks
  • NBA Champ: Oklahoma City Thunder
  • NCAA Football Champ: Ohio St.

View more team profiles here!

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