Hometown: Louisville, KY
Current City: Huntsville, AL
At times, they call me The Breeze. Something about blowing down the road? Sounds like bunch of nonsense if you ask me… I consider myself more of a rough and tumble kind of guy. The kind of guy who sits down to a hearty bowl of rhinoceros stew while enjoying a refreshing limburger cheese smoothie. For post dinner activities, why don’t we kick things up a notch: You + Me + Gigli on Blueray 3D?
Excitement knows no boundaries when you hang with Mr. Fantasy. All your wildest dreams can come true! But let me start at the beginning…
I was born 3 months premature to a one-legged seamstress named Marmaduke. She fed me “Funyuns” until age 5, which ultimately stunted my growth and led to an extreme dependency on diapers late into my teens. I was once told that it’s not “normal” for me carry around a ziplock bag of thawed Eggo Waffles… but I just ignored them. Haters gonna hate, right? Between ages 19 and 24, I roamed the Sahara without a purpose. You might ask yourself, is “roaming the Sahara without a purpose” a metaphor for an adolescent man trying to create and identity for himself?? My response would be, “No.” I stole a camel from a child in Algeria, only later realizing that it wasn’t really a camel at all… but a woodchuck. I must have missed some days in school because I’ll tell you what: Woodchucks do NOT like being ridden! And that’s when things got weird…
I returned to the States shortly after the War. We lost a lot of good men out there… There were times when it looked like the sun would never come up– And just when you thought the walls were finally closing in on you, you had nowhere to hide, you had gasped your last breath…. there was that damn woodchuck to bail your ass out!!!
…And that’s the story of how I got my certification as a professional badger handler!
- NFL: Houston Oilers
- NBA: Phoenix Mercury
- MLB: Montreal Expos
- College: The ‘Ville (Louisville)
Favorite Video Game:
- Dr. Mario
- Bob Zimmerman
- Back to the Future
Favorite Female Celebrity:
- Queen Latifah
2013-2014 Sports Predictions
- MLB Champs: Los Angeles Dodgers
- NFL Champs: Denver Broncos
- NBA Champs: Oklahaoma City Thunder
- NCAA Football Champs: Louisville