While out for a girlfriend’s birthday recently, one of her male friends asked me the following question:
“Are you more attracted to a guy if they ignore you?” I had never really thought about it before, but I told him that I usually just move on if someone ignores me.
My response was puzzling to the rest of the group. To my dismay, I was quickly informed that the rest of the women in the group prefer to be ignored in public by the men that they find attractive. I don’t have time for all of these games when it comes to dating…but apparently the rest of the female population does.
After discovering that I was alone in this preference, I began to think about all of the opportunities that men and women miss out on by playing these mind games. After all, how far does the “thrill of the chase” get us if we don’t even make it past the starting line with someone? Of course flirting with a complete stranger can be difficult. There is a fine line between creepy/needy and smooth, but I’m attracted to men who are confident enough to initiate some kind of interaction. In fact, even if they turn out to be the weirdo that you can’t shake off all night, I have to admire their confidence and enthusiasm.
After doing a little research, I was shocked to find that there are thousands of advice columns teaching men to “ignore beautiful women and they will come after you!” While this certainly may be the case sometimes, my experiences tell otherwise. I don’t know many women who, even if being deprived of attention, are willing to put themselves out there and go after a man. Instead, we always end up moving on to the next part of the evening while looking back at the hot guy that we are too afraid to talk to. Maybe we will make eye contact or even smile at each other, but rarely will introduce ourselves or exchange phone numbers. Somewhere Cupid dies a little inside every time this dating injustice happens.
There’s no concrete answer to that question because women are diverse, ever-changing, and sometimes impossible to please. Maybe Cupid will have better aim if you keep the following things in mind:
The first step to meeting anyone should be making eye contact. If you are capable of reading people at all, the brief moment when you are looking at each other will be a perfect indicator of how she will treat you if you approach her. Does she immediately break the connection and look or walk away? That’s not a good sign, honey. Does she hold your gaze for a hopeful heartbeat and smile? That’s probably a good sign. There can be a lot of ambiguity in her facial expression, but at least this is a start.
Know when to give it up…Whether it is because of the unsuccessful eye contact, or maybe she gives you a verbal sign. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said to myself, “How does this guy not GET IT already??! I’m NOT interested!!!” If a girl says, “I’m going to find my friends now,” she is probably not interested. Trust me, if she is interested, she’ll give you something to work with after that sentence!