Lifestyle / Sex & Drugs

How Old Is Too Old To Get Blackout Drunk?

Jay Z partying

I must begin this post with a Jay Z quote: “…there’s much bigger issues in the world I know, but I first had to take care of the world I know.”

That lyric pretty much sums up my approach to blogging. When an issue arises in my life, I choose to analyze it and formulate my own opinion. We all do it and we all shovel through our experiences to find anecdotes to tell others. With that in mind, I bring to you my latest piece of literature.

Let me ask you a question; how old is too old for a person to get sloppy drunk and pass out? Go ahead take a couple seconds to think about it but this is a very legitimate question.

I think we can all agree that a person whose age is between 18 to 21 years old gets a ‘free pass’ for any annoying, intoxicated behavior. When does the ‘free pass’ end…25 years old? 30 years old? 40 years old? Although there is nothing quite as entertaining as watching a 50 year old woman twerk in Atlanta nightclubs, I think there has to be a limit to extreme public intoxication.


Two bottles…Two of the Nine Lives

If you decide to sit at home and get drunk until you puke, then that is your prerogative. There is no age limit on your individual right to get shitfaced. It is when the uncontrollably drunk behavior comes out from behind the closed doors that a problem occurs. Not only is the drunk person a danger to himself/herself, they are a liability and nuisance to their friends who are stuck with taking care of them. I barely want to look myself in the mirror after I’ve regurgitated 5 red bull vodkas and McDonald’s Chicken Nuggets. So why would I look favorably to taking care of some grown adult who doesn’t know how much alcohol (or drugs) to ingest.

Last night my inspiration came in the form of a guy at this nightclub in Midtown Atlanta named MJQ. MJQ is a hip hop dive bar, if you can imagine that. To paint the perfect picture for you, close your eyes and imagine walking into a large tornado storm shelter that leads underground. Once you clear the entryway you will have an option of two separate clubs within the bar. One club plays dance infused oldies and the main club has a wide selection of hip hop classics and modern day radio hits. The demographic is evenly spread among the races and gender, although since it’s a hip hop club the numbers skew slightly African American male. So after reading my description, you can imagine the environment I was in last night was one of energetic music and plenty testosterone due to the aggressive rap music. Not many “prideful” guys will admit when they’ve had enough to drink and especially when there is the bravado of hip hop involved. A guy rather die than stop accepting drinks…and that’s what almost happened!

MJQ Nightclub  in Atlanta

MJQ Nightclub (Midtown, Atlanta)

As the night went on, I noticed a guy stumbling around the dance floor. His eyes were almost rolled back into his head and he didn’t appear to be able to walk straight. Well it IS a dance club, so a drunk guy stumbling isn’t too alarming. Another hour or two passes by and it is time to leave MJQ. As soon as I leave the exit, I notice the SAME GUY stumbling and falling down into the middle of the road. Me being the concerned human being that I am, I decide to walk closer and get a better view. I notice this guy mumbling words to himself and his eyes are fully rolled into his head at this point. I scope out the scene and notice that there is a group of police officers gathering on the side. I immediately assume this guy will get arrested for public intoxication. The cops simply ask the drunk guy’s friend if he would take care of him. The friend replied with a head nod indicating “yes”, so the cops allowed their night to continue. Once they reach the vehicle I am surprised to watch as the helpful friend puts his wasted pal in the front seat (yes I am still watching at this point). Bad mistake! As the drunken party goer sits up in the passenger seat he unleashes a wealth of barf that the little girl from “The Exorcist” would be proud of.


Kind of hot I must say…

What happens next was “Must See TV” at its finest. The helpful friend gets so angry that he screams at the intoxicated guy and ends up putting his friend IN THE TRUNK! I could barely contain myself. Let me clarify, the drunk guy was lying in an open trunk. So don’t freak out FBI, there wasn’t any attempted kidnaps happening.

Throwup chunks and spit stains covered the parking lot as I walked to get a closer view of the situation. I engage in a conversation with the helpful friend and I realize that the passed out guy had ingested Loritab pills and several shots of whiskey. Very smart move, way to go guy! #Sarcasm

So that interesting episode got me thinking about my own mortality and the dangers of public intoxication. I have been known to nibble on “The Devil’s Lettuce” and when I go into public, I am sure others can notice my state of intoxication. Red eyes and the munchies are fairly harmless but stumbling in the middle of major roads while being watched by cops is a whole different level. I asked the friend how old was the ‘dead’ drunk guy and he replied 23. In my head I am already coming up with nice ways to say “Damn he’s too old to get THIS fucked up.” Before I could say such a thing, my conscious made me stop and reflect on a specific time in my past.

A few years back, I was in Atlanta celebrating with some friends for the 21st birthday of a guy we called “Rum Buckets”. His real name isn’t important but his nickname “Rum Buckets” came from his history of providing rum buckets for all of his house guests. Long story short I decided to take my drinking habits to a new level this night. I was 21 and there were female around smiling and dancing, so my adrenaline was flowing. I stop the entire party and command everyone’s attention. I grab two 12oz cups and proceed to fill them up ¾ of the way with Aristocrat rum. I make some silly announcement like “This is the Summer of Quis!” and I down both cups. The last thing I remember from that night is entering the Buckhead bar named “Tongue & Groove”. The next day I wake up to an eyeful of sunlight. It takes me a second to adjust to my surroundings and then I notice I am outside!

Who Wants Rum Buckets?!

Who Wants Rum Buckets?!

I was sleeping on the side of Peachtree Street in downtown Buckhead. My mouth is dry, my head is warm, and I have dried up vomit on my purple dress shirt. I reach for my wallet, it’s gone. I reach for my cell phone, it’s gone. I have been the victim of a robbery but how could I ever press charges if I can’t even remember how I ended up sleeping outside? So I stand up and since I am from Columbus, Georgia I am somewhat familiar with Atlanta’s geography. I made my way back 4-5 blocks to our hotel just to find out my celebratory friends had left me in Atlanta and had driven back to Auburn University! The hotel staff was very understanding of my situation and they allowed me to use their phones to call a family member of mine in Atlanta. He came and picked me up and I had to explain why I was passed out drunk sleeping outside of a night club. My friends drove back immediately from our college town and picked me up and we all had a good laugh…after I checked all my toes and fingers.

I was only 21 at the time but I somehow realized at that moment I was done with the embarrassing public intoxication episodes. Every person has their own breaking point but after hearing the two stories above, it is obvious getting recklessly intoxicated is a dangerous game to play. Nowadays I attend happy hours with 45 year old ladies who get giggly after one glass of wine because their husbands can’t make them smile anymore. I record music in studios with 25 year old males ‘popping molly’ to cover up for their insecurity issues. Both old and young have their struggles with alcohol/drugs but what age should we clamp down on our public partying habits?

I have told you an embarrassing drunken story from my own personal life, so the least you could do is tell me what age is too old to get sloppy drunk in public! Leave your comments below!


3 thoughts on “How Old Is Too Old To Get Blackout Drunk?

  1. Pingback: The Secret History of 14 Drinking Terms We Use Every Day - buzzcarl

  2. Pingback: The Secret History of 14 Drinking Terms We Use Every Day «

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s